March 4, 2011

Not smart - by choice, Choosy taste - no choice

I have come to realize that everything I want to do comes with price tag. I personally think this has something to do with me being the only child, who did not need to do much "sharing" with others. Well, I wasn't given anything and everything. Just that I got the things I wanted. And THAT seems to be my fate now.

When I think back, I have always gotten my way, somehow, someway, with or without obstacles. Once I lay my eyes on certain thing, I will get it sooner or later no matter what it takes. For example, college. I could have settled to go nearby college where I live, but I had to choose the one that was a few hours bullet-train away. And it got worse. As an international student in the USA, the tuition is like 5 times more than what local students pay. So I did that too. When I had an apartment in Boston, I couldn't settle with just so-so room. I had to rent one in a really nice area. And by no means, I'm not rich. It's just that was what I wanted to do. I didn't have to move across the state every time I changed school, but I did it, because I wanted to experience and challenge different thing.
Choosy taste is not only about schooling and living different places. It happens in my daily life. I can't use certain chapstick, the kind they sell in grocery stores or pharmacy. It gives me blister on my lips so I have to use organic one. I would rather buy $300 wallet and use next 5 years, instead of $50 one that looks so cheap and won't last a year. I need a cell phone with all kinds of gadgets even if the monthly bill goes up, I just have to cut other expenses, like groceries, to budget the household. I used to be a competitive swimmer. So I have to buy 'speedo' brand, not any other, when it comes to
"that" kind of swimming. Cars. I wish I was not so picky. Many people can think that cars are just to move you from one point to the other. Cheap cars, Expensive cars, they all do one thing. It's a means of transportation. However, even financially tight, I need certain luxury on them. So I had to purchase the car that comes with hefty monthly payments of $500, oh because I liked the body style, sunroof, stupid things. (i paid it off after years!). The other day, we had an estimate for dental cleaning on my dog. It ended up 3 times more because his teeth was worse than expected! Ugh!  And NOW, I want to have a baby! With my luck, there is no way that will happen naturally. If his FSH was not so high, he could have taken meds and the problems would be corrected, therefore we only need less expensive procedure.  Well it is not so easy fix for us. I should have known, I have to pay for it, as always. Not a small amount, but thousands of dollars.
I always wonder if my life will ever get easier, and that why everything has to be so hard for me. For something, I am not using my brain and I know it. I do have a hard time sacrificing. But some IMPORTANT matters, I have no control and I wish I had. Yap! it's just my random blah blah talk! Thanks for listening.


Post a Comment